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Wednesday, March 30

Uncynical Wednesdays: The Test


Uncynical Wednesdays: The Test
In my office mailbox on Monday there was a manila envelope with a box inside it and no return address.

My name was spelled incorrectly, but, most curiously, it had the initial of my legal middle name, which I haven't used since I was 19 and only shows up on legal documents. The address was geographically correct, but institutionally incorrect. The postmark was March 22 from Pensacola, Florida.

My first impulse was to call the hazmat team and clear the building. But then, something about this struck me as perhaps maybe something other than a biohazard attack.

So I went to the Tuberculosis ward, got an N-95 mask on and opened it in a reverse pressure room.

No powder, thank god. Then, curiouser, a computer generated card that said "Thanks" with a multi-colored background around the letters. Inside in a typed, cursive font, "You're wonderful, Dr. -----!"

The box contained the test: It was a Dove Chocolate Bunny Rabbit.

My first thought of course was, "Who have I pissed off enough to send me a poisoned bunny rabbit?"


There have been a couple of patients who I denied Percocet or MS Contin, but for those people doctors refusing is nothing new.

I have served as mediator for three patients who had fallen into persistent vegetative states and whose families turned ugly against one another. I'm sure I'm on someone's prayer list to get stomach cancer. But, to be frank, those families had difficulty operating the elevator; I don't think they could generate a computer greeting card. (No, I am not using hyperbole.)

Could it have been someone I know personally? Yeah, it could. But two things argue against that. First, it would be weird to send it to my work address and to go through the trouble to find out my legal middle initial. Second, the postmark was from Pensacola. The only person I can think of in Pensacola is a medical student who I like to fantasize had a crush on me, but I don't think that had any basis in reality.


So that leaves you. The most logical option.


I have inspected the box. Factory seal. No pin holes for injecting poison that I can appreciate. It appears to be legit.

(Had the postmark been after last Friday's post, it would have gone in the trash.)

As is, every time I tell the story, the response has been, in a worried tone, "You didn't eat it, did you?"

Of course I didn't.


But that was on Monday.

This is Wednesday. This is the test.

I encourage people to believe in each other. Tonight, I am going to put my money where my mouth is. Or vice-versa.


Tonight, I am going to eat the anonymous Bunny Rabbit.


Tune in tomorrow, true believers...


(While you're waiting to see if I live, you can visit a site Dan created that got him fired from Quikpages.)

6 Comments:

3/30/2005
Blogger hot babe writes:

It's a Dove chocolate bunny. I would've had that thing gone the 1st day. They way I figure, if I die from poisoned chocolate, then at least I'll die happy. Yum.

 


3/30/2005
Blogger Erik writes:

Whoever posted my middle name here, please contact me.

It would appear you have the ability to do so.

 


3/31/2005
Blogger Cincy Diva writes:

Okay, it's Thursday....are you dead yet? Was it at least good chocolate? The public wants to know!

 


3/31/2005
Blogger jamesdamian writes:

Death by Poisoned Dove Chocolate Bunny is an awesome way to go. It would definitely make the news.

 


3/31/2005
Blogger dan writes:

Are you dead? Or is this an elaborate setup for an April Fool's Day payoff? Was it yummy?

 


4/01/2005
Blogger Cincy Diva writes:

I guess he really must be dead. The world may never know.

 


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