Playing Doctor

Initial Visit?

Thursday, September 21

Fame, It’s more fun with your friends

One of the many things that PlanetDan is far too modest to mention is that he is a fucking rock star in Minneapolis.

We’re not out for two minutes when I hear someone shout ‘Dan.’ Dan dutifully stops as someone tells him how much she enjoys his site and how long she’d been reading it. Dan says something to her, undoubtedly polite. I introduce myself to her and she looks at me for a half second. T-bone hands her a credit card and tells her to get us some drinks, which she does.

‘Nice,’ I say, nodding at T-Bone. She comes back with our drinks and a second of what would become many rounds of Jaeger bombs.

Then someone else comes up to Dan, ‘I recognized you from your blog.’ He exchanges pleasantries and I start talking to her. She asks me a lot of questions about what Dan is really like and and how well I know him. We do shots together and I’m not sure what happens to her after that, but then someone else is trying to talk to Dan. She’s trying to get herself invited to an after party.

‘Look,’ I tell her, ‘his parties make Big Brothers’ video for ‘The Party is On’ look like my cousin’s bar mitzvah. If you want an invite, you’ll need to help get me to a store that sells body paint. We need both green and blue. And we need the big, jumbo sizes. There were so many people last night that we ran completely out, and there’s not even much yellow left. And let me tell you, Dan doesn’t want to see anyone in purple body paint.’ I pause and look around for my drink. After checking the bar and the table, Dan points to my hand and I find my drink. Leaning into her, practically whispering, I say, ‘He hates purple body paint. It’s just too painful for him to blog about. It’s even worse than soup.’

She turns to Dan and points at me, asking him something. I shoot her a smile. She walks away.

‘What was that about,’ Dan asks. I shrug.

Things get a little blurry after that, I remember something about getting into a fight with a bald man who refused to tattoo ‘Dan Forever’ on my neck.

The next morning over giant doughnuts Dan asked if I got that girl’s phone number.

‘What girl?’

‘That girl you pulled off me at the end of the night.’

‘I don’t know what you’re talking about,’ I say, shaking my head and sipping my coffee.

‘The girl you had your arms all over,’ he says, patiently. ‘The two of you were doing something with your phone.’

‘Nope,’ I say. Picking up my phone and scrolling through the names to demonstrate I recognize all the numbers.

It only takes a few scrolls to see, ‘ali msp.’ In the custom section it says, ‘tell dan to call me.’

I’m a SatelliteDan.


Blogger dan writes:

I'm in the airport right now, heading to vegas. If you think I'm a rock star in Minneapolis, wait until I take over sin city. The body paint will flow like wine.

Cherry Nut is a little angry that you made her into that ugly Dillon kid. Can't say I blame her.


Blogger Erik writes:

I agonized over her and K*Mack, but Debi Mazar doesn’t show up in the publicity photos. Who would Cherry Nut have preferred being?


Blogger the other sarah writes:

I needed a laugh, thank you.


Blogger n8 b writes:

you as turtle? not seeing it


Blogger elizabeth writes:

So glad you're back.


Blogger Kristina writes:

I haven't seen the show...should I be offended too???


Blogger Erik writes:

May as well be offended. Everyone else in Minnesota seems to be angry with me lately.


Blogger Kristina writes:

OH...way to piss off Minnesota! What'd you do?? Tell a joke in that ridiculous accent from Fargo? That'll do it. How do you plan to make amends?


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