Almost Better Than a Shopping List
The line was long at the Walgreens, and in front of me in line were a father and his four year-old son. The son had gotten, not one, but two Rice Crispy treats after asking only once, so from my point of view he was pretty lucky.
But then he started repeating, ‘Daddy, I’m thirsty.’ At first a simple declarative, it evolved into a whine. I was thinking about saying: ‘Then you better put those Rice Crispy treats back. That will only worsen your thirst. You need a nice cup of water!’
But I did not.
The father started a distraction technique. There was some sort of jelly filled ball and the dad picked it up and patted his son on the head with it. The son looked up at it, and I guess it must have touched his eye or something, because then the kid changed his whine to a refrain of: ‘You hurt me, daddy.’
The father tried to reason with the child that the thing was a jelly ball. ‘See, feel it.’ He offered the ball to the boy. At that point, finally they were up at the head of the line. The father took the Rice Crispy treats and handed them to the cashier. The boy exploded at that point because, apparently, he wanted to give them to the cashier.
The cashier put the treats in an individual bag for the boy to carry on his own, but it was a lost cause at that point. The man picked up his son and left the store with the boy still screaming.
The cashier looked at me. I paused and looked at the lady behind me and the long line behind her.
‘You know what?’ I said to the lady and got out of line. ‘You go ahead. I just remembered I need condoms.’
But then he started repeating, ‘Daddy, I’m thirsty.’ At first a simple declarative, it evolved into a whine. I was thinking about saying: ‘Then you better put those Rice Crispy treats back. That will only worsen your thirst. You need a nice cup of water!’
But I did not.
The father started a distraction technique. There was some sort of jelly filled ball and the dad picked it up and patted his son on the head with it. The son looked up at it, and I guess it must have touched his eye or something, because then the kid changed his whine to a refrain of: ‘You hurt me, daddy.’
The father tried to reason with the child that the thing was a jelly ball. ‘See, feel it.’ He offered the ball to the boy. At that point, finally they were up at the head of the line. The father took the Rice Crispy treats and handed them to the cashier. The boy exploded at that point because, apparently, he wanted to give them to the cashier.
The cashier put the treats in an individual bag for the boy to carry on his own, but it was a lost cause at that point. The man picked up his son and left the store with the boy still screaming.
The cashier looked at me. I paused and looked at the lady behind me and the long line behind her.
‘You know what?’ I said to the lady and got out of line. ‘You go ahead. I just remembered I need condoms.’
Posted @ 9:23 PM
4 Comments:
7/25/2005
Anonymous writes:
dan writes:
Erik writes:
karla writes:
are the condoms for the newscaster? are you gonna do 'im?
7/25/2005
Would there even be a chance that the aforementioned male newscaster would get pregnant? I'm confused.
I am not a fan of kids. Especially in public. In fact I dislike kids so much sometimes that I'm embarassed I actually was one once.
7/25/2005
I can understand your confusion, Dan. I am not sure I follow anon's ill-conceived logic either.
I also understand your embarassment; I suspect that when I was a child I annoyed others as much as that boy annoyed me.
7/29/2005
That's a great (and funny) story. As a general rule, kids in public places drive me crazy--so few of them are well behaved. I used to wait tables years ago, and I remember one couple I waited on had beautiful twin little girls...who sat there throughout the entire meal dumping sugar all over the table and LICKING IT OFF. The parents sat there and chatted as if this were normal behavior. I wanted to beat them about the head and shoulders with the sugar shaker (the parents, of course).
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