Pablo Picasso Was Not an Asshole

I have written before about saying things that I have regretted. Things that have hurt people. But occasionally, I give in to the dark side of the force and insult someone while having them thank me for it.

Jedi Mind Tricks are all in the timing and intonation.

• At dinner, someone says, ‘Let me order the wine. If I can say something pretentious: I took a wine course at a community college last year.’
  
  ‘I don’t think that’s pretentious,’ I say.
  
  ‘Well, maybe just a little pretentious,’ they say, proudly.
  
  I think about saying, ‘not even a little pretentious,’ but decide I am pressing my luck and say nothing.

• At a nightclub someone says, ‘I don’t know why I’m still single. I think people underestimate me.’
  
  ‘I don’t think people underestimate you,’ I say.
  
  ‘Erik, you are so sweet,’ they say.

No. No, really I’m not.

‘This is not the asshole you are looking for.’