Eight Disadvantages to Dating Someone on Parole

8) Three Words: Boring Prison Stories
7) Little possibility of romantic international travel
6) The nights after parole officer assessments: unbelievable violence
5) If you become too much a pain in the ass, you know somebody who knows somebody who might be able to, um, help them out.
4) They make wine by spitting in a urinal container of apple juice and hiding it under the bed for three weeks.
3) Every trip to the convenience store is fraught with anticipation
2) Always worrying you are going to get a shiv in the shower
1) They are unwilling to role-play Prison Sex Stories