The Blog So Boring It Broke the Internet

So last week I joined a service that counts visits to my site. It gives impossibly intricate information: How much time is spent on each page; Country, state, and city of the viewers’ connection; ‘Referring’ page; as well as things about the internet and connections that are too technical for me to bother to explain. Well, things that are too complicated for me to bother to understand.

It also tells me what keyword searches brought people to the site. Let me apologize to all the parents that found their child 'playing doctor' and were looking for advice. I would have told you to just relax, that it was a normal for kids to do, but then I read some of the details of what they caught their children doing. So sorry, here have some chamomile tea.

And to the other group of people who used the same keyword for other purposes, I believe what the British call ‘Peodophiles,’ Shoo! There will be no lascivious stories here. I will not even use the word h0t, l1ck or l3sbo in my entries for fear of attracting more of you. Go on now.

Some more amusing key word searches are:

Woman asshole boarding
Dumpring recipe
Christmas ornaments on women

Watching all this information was fun for the first 24 hours, but then their entire website went down for two days. When it came back up, there was no record of my account. Oh, they give a good story of ‘hacker attack,’ but you and I know they were just being kind.

Sorry Internet, I will try harder in the future.